


Through Heaven's Eyes

by theangryuniverse



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angels, Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Guardian Angel, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Panic Attacks, Religion, Religious Content, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Romance, Victor is an angel, Yuri is an angel, angel au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-09-27 04:05:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17154989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theangryuniverse/pseuds/theangryuniverse
Summary: As a guardian angel is deprived of his job, Victor is sent down to Earth to clean up the mess that has been made. In the midst of it is Yuuri Katsuki, the human that the angel has left behind, hopeless and lost.But how does one help a human that feels unwanted and unloved, and who has almost nothing left to believe in?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MissMarquin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMarquin/gifts).



> Hello everyone!  
> I found this prompt on writing-prompt-s.tumblr.com and it just spoke to me. I just knew I had to write this.
> 
> There will be religious themes in the story. It is not my intention to ridicule, insult, or favour any kind of religion with my story. If you find that any part of this story hurts your religious feelings, then this was not my intention. Therefore, please only read this story if you're okay with religious themes being freely used. I do my research as good as possible, but I'm only human, and I do make mistakes. 
> 
> This story is meant for entertainment only. But I hope that I can also show that religion, no matter how flawed, can also be incredibly beautiful and uplifting - regardless of its name. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

“It’s a beautiful place, isn’t it?”

He had always loved to watch the Earth from above. Lying flat on his stomach, resting his head on his palms, letting his gaze wander over the sheer miracle that the world was. The beauty of nature and the magnificence of humankind never failed to take his breath away. For God had performed great wonders in these creations, and he found himself grateful every single day to be one of the few chosen ones to see it all as it was: perfection wherever he looked, and the spirit of goodness in everything.

A huff to his left followed, and the angel turned his head. The blonde, delicate creature had flopped down next to him, looking down to earth with an annoyed expression on his face. The angel raised an eyebrow. 

“Do not tell me that it has lost its magic to you.”

“I see what you see,” the blonde angel replied. “I just don’t see why I have to be  _ here  _ to see it. It’s not as if I needed it. I know the drill. I can do this on my own.”

“Every guardian angel learns from another,” the angel replied with a laugh. “You are not the first to receive help, and you will not be the last.”

“Yeah, whatever,” the blonde angel replied and rested his chin on his palm. “So what are you looking at this time?”

“Not ‘what’, my brother,” the angel said and withdrew his gaze from him again, returning his attention to the scenery below. “But ‘who’.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. So, ‘who’ are you looking at this time?”

The angel smiled. “My new protegé.”

The blonde frowned and leant forward a little bit to get a closer look. Down there, in a small apartment on the continent of North America, sat a young man on his bed, looking at pictures of a dog. His eyes, hidden behind glasses, were red and swollen from the tears that kept coming and stained the photographs, and used tissues covered the duvet the man was sitting on. 

“Huh.” The blonde angel shifted a little to get a better look. “What a wreck. Hold on.” He frowned, leaning forward as he studied the human’s face. “You’re not telling me that this is  _ him _ , are you?”

“He is.”

“No way. The poor soul that our idiot brother-”

“Language.”

“That our brother fucked up?”

“Tell me, did I stutter when I asked you to watch your language?”

“Is he?”

The angel sighed. “Yes. He is.”

“Wow.” The blonde sat back, thoroughly impressed and apparently at loss for words. For a moment, he said nothing, clasping his hands on top of his knees as they watched the human dry his face, only to burst into tears a moment later. Watching humans suffer was never a nice thing to witness. Especially from high above. 

“Poor guy.”

“Indeed,” the angel replied softly and tilted his head to the side. It had been a scandal in Heaven, that a guardian angel returned without having done his job properly - but making it all worse instead. Humans were fragile, they had to be treated with the greatest care. And a guardian angel’s job was to keep the human safe and on track, to keep their souls pure and free of torment. To keep them happy. In what way they did so was up to the angel. Usually, there were no problems. Most humans did not even know that they had a guardian angel, although they often jokingly praised them for saving them from ridiculous accidents while the actual angel was gasping for breath in the background and almost dying from exhaustion. 

But it was an honour to be a guardian angel, and he had always loved being one.

But now, there were greater honours waiting for him.

“He’s lucky he’s got you now,” the blonde angel muttered, leaning back with a sigh. “The best of the best. So good that you’ll be in the highest league after you’ve fixed that mess.”

The angel smiled a little. “That’s not for sure, yet.”

The other angel huffed. “Don’t think I’m stupid. I hear the whispers like everyone else. You’re definitely going to be promoted. If not you, who else, they say. After all the things you’ve done. You’re literally God’s favourite.”

“You know very well that God does not have favourites,” the angel replied calmly, but he could not deny that he felt flattered by the compliment. It was true - he had been the guardian angel of many humans over the course of the centuries. Old and young, men and women, adults and children. He had all safely guided them through life, and had helped them to overcome all obstacles. And every time, at the end of a fulfilled life, he had laid them to rest, and had held their souls in his hands on their final journey.

It was a most honourable duty, and one that he had never taken for granted.

“Whatever,” the blonde angel muttered. “I still don’t get why I have to be your intern.”

“You’re not my intern,” the angel laughed. “I’m just here to, well, guide you in case you have any questions.”

“Tsk. How hard can it be?” The blonde angel huffed. “Make sure they don’t get run over by a car-”

“That is harder than you might think, brother.”

“-and watch them grow old and grey.”

“There is beauty in that,” the angel said, smiling as he realised what it was that actually bothered his young and stubborn brother. “Are you afraid of failing? Because that is normal, especially in the beginning.”

“I’m not afraid!” The blonde exclaimed angrily and crossed his arms. “I wouldn’t have gotten this position if I wasn’t fit for it!”

“Precisely.” He did not say anything else. His brother would speak, eventually, and reveal his worries. He always did.

“But…”

There it was.

“Hm?” The angel returned his attention to his brother again.

The blonde seemed to struggle with finding the right words for what he wanted to say. A quality not unheard of amongst angels. There were sensations that were sometimes hard to describe.

“What if I fuck up?” The blonde angel asked, and for the first time since their conversation had started, there was actual concern in his bright, turquoise eyes. “What if I accidentally get my human killed?”

The angel laughed, and his bright, jovial laughter could be heard through all the Heavens, turning many heads. It was the kind of laughter that could cause storms and earthquakes, and not only a few threw concerned glances down to Earth in this moment. 

“You won’t,” the angel said with a chuckle and reached out to pat his brother’s shoulder. “What’s your human’s name again?”

“Uh…” The blonde blushed. “Oscar?”

“Otabek Altin,” the angel said and put an arm around the blonde’s narrow shoulders, pulling him closer. “Look at him,” he said, gesturing down to Earth. “That’s him. Does he look like the kind that gets himself killed easily?”

The blonde followed his brother’s gaze, only to avert it a moment later. No, he certainly could not say that about his respective human. Not with that gaze of determination and a stoic attitude that seemed to scare death right away. 

“You will do well, my brother,” the angel said. “We both will.”

The blonde angel said nothing to that, only freed himself from his brother’s grip and walked away again. The angel let him be.

Settling on the ground again, the angel rested his chin on his palm and let his gaze wander, from the Kazakh young man poring over his books back to his own human. The two could not have been any more different. The sight broke the angel’s heart, and he knew that he had come to take over just before it was too late, just before the young man broke altogether. He could hear his quiet sobs as he held the pictures close, he saw his tears fall and he felt the pain in his heart that naturally came with mourning.

Humans were incredibly strong, and also so very, very frail.

“There is a lot of weight resting on your shoulders, my little one,” the angel whispered sadly. “But I am here to help.”


	2. Giving Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a dark chapter, so please be warned!
> 
> Trigger Warning: mentions of planning suicide, depression, anxiety, panic attacks

The words were there, clear on the paper, allowing no false interpretation of their meaning.

_ Yuuri Katsuki: 30 %. _

He had failed. 

Again.

Stuffing the paper into his bag, he rose from his seat in the lecture hall and made his way towards the exit. It was just the perfect ending to a miserable day in the line of many. It should not surprise him. In fact, every single day had been a nightmare recently, and failing a class that was supposed to be one of the easiest was just the tip of the iceberg. And Yuuri found that he did not even care. 

What was a failed class compared to a failed life?

“Mr. Katsuki?” The voice of his professor had him stop in the doorframe, and he turned around. The woman was leaning against the lectern, collecting her papers. “A word, please.”

Oh,  _ great _ .

Yuuri moved aside to let the other students pass as they made their way out of the lecture hall, some of them looking at him briefly as they walked past him. Yuuri kept his gaze down as he walked back to the centre of the room to his professor. She had clasped her hands on top of the pile of papers, studying him from head to toe as he came to stand in front of her. 

“What happened, Mr. Katsuki?” She asked in a surprisingly gentle voice. “When I graded your test, I could hardly believe it. This is so very unlike you. Last year, your work was of a very high standard, and now…” She sighed. “I hate to say it, but a high school student could do better than this.” 

“I know,” Yuuri murmured, looking anywhere but at her. “I’m sorry.”

“Is it the language?” The professor continued to ask. “If it is too difficult for you, you can get permission from the student office to use a dictionary in the exams. And there are services for foreign students like you that offer help with English.”

“It’s not that,” Yuuri replied quickly, but it did not help his case at all that he slipped into his bad Japanese accent whenever he was nervous or upset. “I just… I don’t know what went wrong, Madam. I studied, but I had some… bad weeks.”

That was a lie. In fact, it had been bad months, not just weeks. And with every day that passed, things seemed to become worse. 

The professor looked at Yuuri in commiseration. “If there is anything that I can do, please let me know. I could make sure you get a spot at the counselling centre immediately.”

Yuuri shook his head. “N-no, no, I’m… I’m okay, I don’t need that, but thank you,” he assured her and threw his bag over his shoulder. 

“I see,” the professor said softly. “But I have to tell you that if your grades do not improve by the end of this term, you will fail the course altogether. And then you would have to do all the reassessments. You are a smart student, Mr. Katsuki, and I really don’t want to put this strain on you. But you have to find a way to get back on track.”

Yuuri did not need her to tell him that. He knew what was at stake. If he failed this course, he had to do all the reassessments. If he failed them, he would have to leave university. If he had to leave university, he had to go back to Japan. If he had to go back to Japan, he would return as a disappointment. To everyone that had ever believed in him.

“I will,” Yuuri murmured. “I’ll… be better next time.”

“I know,” the woman said and gave Yuuri one of her rare smiles. “But now it’s Christmas. Take the time to calm down and sort things out, yes?”

“I will,” Yuuri said quietly and nodded at her. “Happy Holidays.” He tried to smile back, but he knew very well that his smile had not reached his eyes - and that he couldn’t fool her. Nonetheless, she wished him happy holidays in return, and Yuuri walked out of the lecture hall with a heavy heart.

There was nothing happy about the upcoming holidays.

Christmas had never meant much to him. He was not Christian, and unlike Americans, who absolutely went crazy every single year in December, his family had never paid much attention to the holiday. They would order KFC and eat strawberry shortcake and then go back to work, to take care of the people that had come to stay at their onsen. For them, there never really was a day off. And even this year, despite staying in the US for the holiday, Yuuri would not have a reason to celebrate. He would use the free days to study, a weak attempt to save what was left of his degree. He couldn’t return to Japan with nothing.

No, he could not disappoint his mother and father like that.

Yuuri barely felt the icy wind on his face as he made his way back to the apartment that he shared with his best friend. Phichit was the only ray of sunshine in the darkness that constantly surrounded him. But not even Phichit was able to cheer him up when things became worse, when Yuuri would lie awake and cry into his pillow until there were no more tears left. 

If he failed university, he would have to leave Detroit. And then, he would have to leave Phichit as well.

The apartment was empty as Yuuri unlocked the door. The only sound came from the hamster cage in the small living room, and Yuuri went to check if they still had enough water and food. The hamsters squeaked as if to greet him, but Yuuri was not in the mood to play with them. 

Phichit was better at that.

Turning off the lights again, Yuuri went to his room and shut the door, dropping his bag on the floor as he flopped down on the bed, buried his face in his pillow, and began to cry.

Everything, absolutely everything, was going to the dogs.

That he was failing his classes was just the final result of a long array of terrible things that had happened recently. After pulling a muscle during training, he had failed not only at his home rink, but also at two national competitions and had put his coach Celestino Cialdini to shame. Then, shortly afterwards, his boyfriend had dumped him, only to be seen on campus with his new love - a gorgeous exchange student from South America that had helped their football team to win all the games of the season. Yuuri had seen it coming. He was not blind. He had seen him flirt shamelessly with other people, had endured his remarks about his off-season diet and body, and had heard the laughter of his boyfriend’s mates behind his back. 

He had seen it coming.

And then, his mother had called to tell him that Vicchan had died.

Yuuri sniffed as he sat up, reaching for the pictures he kept on his bed table. Vicchan. His best friend, who had always been there for him. He had been a tiny puppy all those years ago when Yuuri had gotten him from the shelter, after weeks of begging his parents to allow him to get a dog. He had taken Vicchan with him wherever he went. He had even sneaked him into school at some point. Vicchan had always been there for him, curling up on his lap whenever his anxiety became too bad, forcing him to leave his room and go for a walk with him whenever Yuuri had felt too terrible to even get dressed. Vicchan had been his anchor, his everything.

And now he would never see him again.

A heartbreaking sob escaped his throat, and Yuuri buried his face in his hands. It was all his fault. All of this was his fault. If he had stayed in Japan, if he had refused the offer of Celestino to become his coach, his parents would not have had to do all the work on their own. He would have been able to help out, they would have been able to save their money and not waste it on their useless son. He would have been there for Vicchan, he would have been able to stop him from running out into the street. 

All of this was his fault.

He was nothing but a big fat failure.

The tears came and went, staining the photographs on his lap. The pile of wet tissues grew, but Yuuri didn’t care. He curled up on his bed, hugging the stuffed poodle that looked so much like Vicchan close to his heart as he closed his eyes. Why could it not just stop? Why could the pain, the anxiety, the horror in his head, why could they never stop? Why had he been damned to eternal suffering? 

He was a failure. He was too stupid for the easiest exams, too weak to become a professional skater, and too ugly to ever be loved. It was as simple as that. That was him - Yuuri Katsuki, a failure in every single way. And with every day, it just became worse.

Perhaps it was best to end it, once and for all.

“Yuuri?” Phichit’s voice reached him through the door. “Are you home?”

Yuuri swallowed thickly and sat up, pushing his smudged and bent glasses up his nose. Phichit would never walk in without permission, but he pulled himself together nonetheless. “Yes?” He replied hoarsely.

Phichit seemed to sense that something was wrong, but did not comment on it. “I got Chinese takeaway,” he said. “It’s in the kitchen, if you want some.”

“Thanks,” Yuuri replied, reaching out to collect all the scattered pictures of Vicchan from the bed. 

“I’m in my room, okay?” Phichit said. “In case if you need me.”

“Okay,” Yuuri murmured. “Thanks, Phichit.”

He heard his friend walk away, and he sank down against the wall with a heavy sigh. Phichit had always respected Yuuri’s boundaries. He had never forced him to talk about the things that bothered him. Yuuri had told him a few. It was not exactly easy to hide your professional failures from your rink mate, or the fact that your dog had died from the person you live with. But Phichit had never tried to pressure him into talking. Instead, he made sure that Yuuri ate and got some fresh air. Sometimes, Yuuri would open up to him, but at the same time, he did not want to be a burden.

And so, Yuuri remained silent, and locked his feelings away in his heart.

Only as the bells of the church down the street began to ring, Yuuri realised that it had become dark, and that he had dozed off for a while. He groaned, rubbing his stiff neck as he got off the bed and walked over to the window to close it. It had begun to snow, and Yuuri watched the snowflakes dance in the light of the streetlamp on the other side of the road. Winter in America was different. In Hasetsu, time seemed to stop during winter. In America, it seemed to go faster. Winter meant Christmas. Christmas meant working during the holidays. Working meant that exams were approaching. 

A group of laughing girls on the street below pulled Yuuri out of his thought, and he watched them as they made their way down the road towards the church, where apparently, an evening service would be held. Yuuri had never been religious, not like many other people in America. In Hasetsu, he visited the shrine on high holidays like everyone else. But it had never meant a lot to him. But for so many people in America, religion was everything. It was their safe haven, their anchor. Yuuri had never been able to understand this kind of feeling, but he respected it. 

Sometimes, he envied those people for their imperturbable faith that seemed to give them so much strength. 

Strength that he had never had.

He did not even know how it worked. He had seen how people did it in the movies, how they went to church and knelt down in front of the altar and prayed. How little children spoke their prayers at bedtime. 

And every time, their wishes would be granted.

Yuuri shut the window and drew the curtains. If it only were so easy. But no wish, no prayer, would ever be granted like that. If it were that way, there wouldn’t be wars. There wouldn’t be hunger, or loneliness, or pain, or depression. 

If anything, it was all a big joke, and whatever deity that there was would sit high above them and laugh about their struggles. 

Yuuri went to the bathroom, glad that Phichit was not around as he brushed his teeth, avoiding to look at himself in the mirror. The last thing he needed right now was to see the personification of failure. 

Back in his room, Yuuri put on his pyjama and climbed into bed, hugging the stuffed poodle close as he tried to get some sleep. But his mind was racing, giving him constant reminders of all the ways that he had failed. He was failing his classes, not making any progress at the rink, getting fatter by the day, and slowly losing the only friend that he had left. Tears were rolling down his cheeks again, but Yuuri couldn’t have cared less. What did it matter if he cried? It was the perfect culmination of a horrible day, and he was sure that his life would only become worse from now on. There was no other explanation. This was how it was meant to be.

Yuuri Katsuki, the greatest failure that ever lived.

“I don’t want this anymore,” Yuuri sobbed into his pillow, not caring that he was speaking out loud. “I don’t… I don’t want any of this anymore… why, kami-sama, why?”

Yuuri had never addressed God in his darkest hours. It was not like him to acknowledge God, even. Usually, Yuuri kept his feelings locked away, bottled them up, not allowing himself to show his weaknesses to anyone. But he was alone in his room, with no one there to hear, with the vanishingly low possibility that something bigger than himself was watching. It was ridiculous. It was madness, even. 

But what else was there that he could do?

“Whatever deity that there is,” Yuuri whispered into his pillow, clutching his stuffed poodle tightly. “Please make it stop. The pain, the panic, the… everything, just… just make it stop, please. I… I can’t live like this any longer…”

Deep inside him, there was a rest of hope, and he found himself listening into the night for any kind of answer of which Yuuri knew that it would never come. God, if such a thing existed at all, never answered a prayer.

“I don’t want to be a burden anymore,” Yuuri whispered, squeezing his eyes shot as the tears rolled down his face. “Please… make me lovable. Make me beautiful. Make me anything but the big fat failure that I am right now…”

God would never answer a prayer. Especially not the prayers of someone like him.

“Wishing only wounds the heart,” Yuuri whispered to himself and buried his face deeper in his pillow. “How could I think that it was worth a shot.”

He fell asleep with a heavy heart that night, and with the decision that he would end it all by himself. He would find the right time, and the right place. 

And then, after years of suffering, his mind would be at rest at last.

Little did he know that high above in the Heavens, his guardian angel had heard every single word.

And that the angel’s heart had broken into a thousand pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is now a Discord Server for YoI writers and lovers of YOI fanfiction!  
> MissMarquin thought it was a great opportunity to get to know other writers and YOI fanfiction readers that way, and to indulge in... well. You get it.
> 
> Join us if you like! https://discord.gg/RqR743


	3. Of Wings and Windows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments so far! That really keeps a writer going.
> 
> For this chapter, we'll learn where Victor got his name and why. 
> 
> And Yuuri is a ball of anxiety. I feel him. I'm literally the same.

“You can’t be serious.”

The angel turned around to his brother. The other angel was looking in him in a mixture of shock, disgust, and anger, as if he were not sure where to exactly place his feelings. To be fair, it was not an uncommon expression on the blonde angel’s face. He was the emotional type, almost like a human boy on the brink to adulthood. Any other day, the angel would have laughed at his brother’s antics. But not today.

“I am,” the angel said, absentmindedly running a hand through his long, silver hair. He tried not to be too proud of it, but he had to admit that he had always liked it very much. It was what made him unique, he told himself. Being unique was hard enough as angel. It was reassuring to have something that was so characteristic. Something that only belonged to him.

“But-” The blonde angel was searching for the right words, eventually giving up with an annoyed groan. “Why do you have to go down there? Why don’t you just pull a few strings and boom, happy human?”

“Because it’s not that easy, brother,” the angel replied. “This human, he is…” He trailed off, looking down to earth at the young man, who had eventually cried himself to sleep. For the fifth night in a row. During the days, Yuuri Katsuki had barely managed. Yes, he had gotten up in the mornings and had dragged himself to practise, or to university. But he had also started putting his belongings together, checking the conditions of his mobile phone contracts or of his streaming subscriptions. The had looked at nice stationery in the shops, as if to pick out the right paper for a bunch of letters. 

The angel had known then and there that he had to act before it was too late.

“He’s fucked up,” the blonde angel muttered, crossing his arms.

Much to his surprise, the silver-haired angel did not scold him.

“He is,” the angel replied instead, the sadness in his voice evident.

The blonde angel rolled his eyes. Was it normal for guardian angels to feel so much for their humans? To suffer just like they did? Perhaps it had been the wrong move, to become one of them, if it only led to that…

“Okay, fine, but why do I have to come, too?” He asked in annoyance. “He’s not my human.”

“But I’m responsible for you,” his mentor replied calmly. “And besides, I’m not sure if Otabek Altin needs someone to only watch over him, or someone who is present.”

The blonde angel huffed. “There’s no way I’ll reveal myself to him,” he declared, shaking his head.

The other angel smiled. “We’ll see,” he said and stepped forward, closing his eyes. The blonde angel stepped back, watching wordlessly as his mentor spread his wings, revealing all of his glory to the Heavens. It was a breathtaking sight every single time. For he was not only of divine beauty, but also of breathtaking grace, almost like a dancer. And the world and the Heavens were his stage, with humankind and Heavenfolk to watch. 

It did not surprise the younger angel why his mentor was one of God’s most beloved.

The angel looked over his shoulder, his silver hair dancing in the wind. “Are you coming?”

The blonde angel sighed. “As if I had a choice in the matter,” he muttered and followed suit, spreading his wings as he joined his mentor, and together, they took off into the night.

***.*.*.*.***

The moment they had entered the sphere of humans, their ways had parted. His young brother had left into the other direction, heading towards his own protegé, albeit not without voicing his annoyance another time. The angel had only laughed at that and had wished him good luck with his first human before pausing to compose himself. 

Until now, he had not thought about how to approach his human.

His human.

Yuuri Katsuki.

Twenty-three years old, Japanese, living in America. University student, professional figure skater. Lover of poodles and his mother’s cooking. And so desperate that he longed to end it all.

He could not let this happen. 

Standing outside Yuuri’s window on the fire escape staircase, he decided to just go through with his plan. Yes, he would just introduce himself to him the way he had always done it, how it had worked with the humans he had looked after before. He would become part of the physical world and help Yuuri in the best way possible. He would be his friend, his guardian, his brother, everything that he needed. Everything that was necessary to stop him from dying.

Yuuri was sleeping in his bed, buried under a pile of blankets to keep him warm. Detroit was freezing in winter, and even the angel could feel the icy breeze on his skin which seemed to become stronger as he became part of the physical world. From now on, he would be visible. At least to Yuuri. For now. It was better not to take any risk.

And he really,  _ really  _ did not want 1731 to repeat itself.

“Well then!” the angel said and clapped his hands, taking a final breath before he reached for the window and pushed it open, shoving himself through the narrow space and into Yuuri’s room.

And promptly, his wings got stuck. 

The angel stumbled, crying out in surprise as he realised that he had completely forgotten about his wings.  _ Beginner’s mistake _ . He slipped through the window and barely got to his feet, turning around to check on his wings as he knocked everything on the desk in the corner. “Oh, goodness, no!” He cursed under his breath and spun around, toppling over as he stumbled over a loose cable on the floor. “Argh!” 

He hit the ground face first, groaning in resignation as his wings were finally freed and obeying him again, allowing him to withdraw them. 

But had it not been for the horrified scream coming from the human in the bed, he would not have even been aware of the noise that he’d made. 

“No, no, no, please don’t scream!” The angel gasped and got to his feet, extending his hands towards Yuuri, who was looking at him in horror and fear, screaming even louder as the angel took a few steps towards him and he moved backwards on his bed, scrambling back against the wall. 

“STAY AWAY FROM ME!” Yuuri yelled, grabbing a book from the bed table beside him and holding it up like a weapon. 

“By the Heavens, please calm down!” The angel breathed and froze on the spot. “I’m not here to hurt you! I’m your guardian angel!”

“YEAH AND I’M A BOWL OF KATSUDON!” Yuuri yelled back, keeping the heavy book firmly in his grasp. 

The angel blinked in confusion. “What’s katsudon?”

Fortunately, Yuuri seemed equally surprised at the sudden turn in their yelled conversation, and he opened his mouth to reply, as the alarmed voice of another person came through the door. 

“Yuuri?! Are you alright?” Someone asked, knocking on the door. “I’m coming in!”

Yuuri gasped. “Phichit, don’t-”

But the door flew open before Yuuri could even react, and a young man clad nothing but pyjama bottoms burst into the room. 

“Oh my, Yuuri! Did you have a nightmare?” The man called Phichit asked worriedly and turned on the light, approaching Yuuri’s bed and touching his arm. “You were screaming!”

“I…” Yuuri swallowed thickly, his gaze flickering between Phichit, who had walked into the room as if there was not a stranger standing in the middle of his room, and the intruder who claimed to be his guardian angel. 

The angel smiled softly, nodding at Yuuri reassuringly. No, Phichit could not see him. Not at this time.

“Y-Yes,” Yuuri said eventually, looking at Phichit, who was still rubbing his arm soothingly. “I had a nightmare from t-this book…”

“That’s why you shouldn’t study before bedtime, I’d get nightmares from calculus too,” Phichit said with a laugh and took the book from Yuuri’s hands. “Can I get you anything? Water or tea? A snack?”

“No, I’m… I’m okay,” Yuuri said slowly, and the angel smiled in amusement as he realised how much Yuuri was struggling to not look at him while his friend was in the room.

“Okay,” Phichit said and got up again. “I’m in my room, okay? The hamsters are going crazy tonight, I don’t know why. Night, Yuuri!” He waved at him on the way out, and shut the door carefully behind himself.

For a long moment, Yuuri and the angel just looked at each other.

And then, much to the angel’s surprise, Yuuri was the first one to speak.

“He couldn’t see you,” he said quietly. “Phichit. He couldn’t see you.”

The angel shook his head with a small smile on his lips. “He couldn’t.”

“You are an angel.”

“I am.”

“You…” Yuuri took a deep breath, as if to compose himself. “You… no… I’m dreaming. Yes, I must be dreaming.” He rubbed his eyes, shaking his head vigorously.

The angel approached his bed slowly, sitting down at the end of it and clasping his hands on his lap. At least his appearance did not seem to be frightening to Yuuri. Black trousers and a grey shirt. His hair put up in a ponytail. Albeit the colour was, admittedly, not very common amongst humans.

Yuuri winced as he felt the mattress shift under the angel’s weight, realising that he was, in fact, real. 

“Oh my God,” Yuuri whispered. “You’re an angel.”

The addressed nodded. “I’m your guardian angel, Yuuri,” he said. “I’m here to look after you.”

“My guardian angel,” Yuuri repeated, as if he still could not believe it. “You…” But then, Yuuri trailed off, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, as if he were forcing himself to stay calm. 

“Okay,” Yuuri murmured, taking a few more breaths before he opened his eyes once more, watching the angel suspiciously.  “What is your name?”

“My name is…” the angel paused, focusing hard to remember the way his name would be pronounced in a human tongue. He could not give him his angel name. It was sacred, not exactly a secret, but too divine and too great that it could ever be comprehended by a human. It had been given to him a very long time ago by God himself. He had named him the glorious, the dignified, the victorious.

Victor.

Yuuri was still staring at him with wide eyes.

“My name is Victor,” he said. “Nice to meet you, Yuuri.”

To be fair, it was not an everyday situation that an angel stumbled through ones window and knocked over half of the furniture in the process. And so, Victor waited patiently for Yuuri to compose himself, and to grasp what was happening. Victor had seen it all before. In fact, most people that he had revealed himself to had thrown something at him, or had screamed until they had passed out. His favourite reaction had been the one of Mary Shelley, who had just stared at him before grabbing pen and paper to make a sketch of him.

Yuuri, however, seemed to be one of those that doubted his existence until the very end. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath before he said: “How do I know that I’m not dreaming? That this is not just a big joke?”

Victor blinked, but then a smile spread across his face. “Do you want me to prove that I’m an angel?” He asked and got up, holding out his hand to Yuuri. “Come. I’ll show you something.”

Yuuri eyed him suspiciously. “What are you doing?”

“I want to show you that I’m an angel,” Victor replied and went back to the window. “And I better don’t do this in here because I really don’t want to knock over your stuff. Again,” he added, a little embarrassed as he glanced at the pile of pens, papers, and other little things that lay scattered across the floor. 

Yuuri looked at him with wide eyes, not saying a word, which Victor took as at least not a negative sign. He climbed out of the window again and came to stand on the fire staircase. A moment later, Yuuri appeared behind him at the window, a dressing gown tightly wrapped around his frame, watching him suspiciously. 

“Ready to be amazed, Yuuri?” Victor asked and winked at him over his shoulder as he turned around again and closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he let the energy flow through his body, the divine powers that had always been part of his existence, that always reminded him of who he was and where he belonged. He was not just an angel - no, he was more than that. He was a guardian angel, the very creature that devoted himself to the happiness of others. To the happiness of humans. 

And sometimes, a little divine magic was just what was needed to gain a human’s trust.

Victor smiled in gratitude at the trust that God had put in him, and let out a gentle laugh as his wings broke from his back and unfolded for Yuuri to see, shimmering in a thousand colours as Victor revealed his true self to his human in all his glory.

The silence that followed was nothing new to Victor. It was always the same reaction, silence followed by a shocked gasp, the human’s eyes sparkling in awe upon realising that they were indeed in the company of an actual angel, that their prayers had been heard all along, that God existed and-

“This is too good to be true.”

Now that was a reaction Victor had not expected.

He turned around, this time mindful of the sheer size of his wings as he moved to face Yuuri. There was no sparkle in his eyes, no wonder or amazement on his beautiful face. Instead, Yuuri was shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose as a heavy, deep sigh escaped him. 

Victor’s wings lowered significantly. 

How was it possible that Yuuri still doubted that he was real?

Was it possible that he had now, for the first time, encountered a human that was so very resistant when it came to God and the wonders of their divinity?

Deep inside Victor, something broke.

“Take my hand,” he said, holding it out for Yuuri to take.

Yuuri looked up, watching him and his hand suspiciously. “Why?”

“Just do it,” Victor said, the words coming out a little harsher than he had intended. But to his surprise, Yuuri did as he was told. He took Victor’s hand, allowing the other one to pull him through the window. And then, before Yuuri could even think of letting go again, Victor wound his arms around him and took to the skies, ignoring the terrified shriek of the human pressed against his chest. 

“Let me go!!” Yuuri cried, at the same time clutching Victor’s shoulders tightly, terrified of falling. But Victor only chuckled, holding him a little closer as his wings took them higher and higher and over the rooftops of Detroit, to a place that Victor had seen before. 

On top of the highest building, the Detroit Marriott, Victor landed without making a sound. Yuuri scrambled out of his arms, stumbling backwards only to scream in shock as he realised where they were - and how close they were to the abyss. 

“I won’t let you fall,” Victor said calmly and wound his arm around Yuuri’s middle, pulling his shaking body close. “What a guardian angel I would be if I did that.” He rubbed Yuuri’s back soothingly, not saying a word as he granted the human all the time he needed to come to terms with the existence of the divine, with the fact that he was not alone, and that he was indeed standing on top of the Detroit Marriott. 

Some humans just needed more time than others. And that was okay. 

Eventually, Victor felt Yuuri relax against him, but he did not let go of him just yet. He kept rubbing Yuuri’s back in small circles, soothingly playing with the hair in his neck to calm his still racing heart, keeping him warm. Slowly gaining his trust.

“I’m not dreaming, am I.”

The words were quiet, but they were there. 

“You’re not dreaming, my Yuuri,” Victor replied softly and looked down at the man, who had finally moved to look at him. “I’m your guardian angel. I have heard your prayers and felt your pain. And when someone suffers as much as you do, how could a guardian angel not feel for you, hm?” He gently touched Yuuri’s cheek, tracing his cheekbone. 

Yuuri sniffed, and small tears of emotion filled his eyes, rolling down his cheeks and onto Victor’s hands. “You heard me?” He whispered, his voice barely audible against the wind. 

Victor nodded. “You could be heard throughout the Heavens, my Yuuri,” he said. “And I am so sorry for what you had to go through. But we’ll find a way through this. You have me now.”

Yuuri looked at Victor with wide eyes, as if he could not believe that all of this was true, that Victor meant it and that he wanted to help him. 

The heartbreaking sob pierced right through Victor’s heart, and he held Yuuri close as he cried, the sadness and loneliness of the past coming to the surface upon the sudden realisation that he was not alone anymore. Victor would not leave his side. He would stay with him, help him through his life, and keep him safe until the very end.

The wind was cold, and so, Victor spread his wings and took to the skies once more. The human in his arms was quiet this time, not a sign of fear coming from him as Victor took him home. Only as he looked down for a moment he realised that Yuuri had fallen asleep, the shock and exhaustion too much for his fragile, human body. 

And so, Victor took him home, and laid him into bed and tucked him in, moving to sit at his side as Yuuri slept. Humans were remarkable creatures. One of the finest creations, proud and strong, yet with souls so incredibly fragile at the same time. 

But now, Yuuri’s soul was safe, Victor thought to himself as he caressed the sleeping man’s face. 

He would not allow the world to hurt him ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	4. The Mystery Boyfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!  
> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos! <3
> 
> Trigger warning: mentions of suicidal thoughts, body image issues
> 
> I do my best to portray all these topics in a respectful way. They also affect me personally, especially body image issues. Therefore, I ask you to take the trigger warnings seriously. Please don't read this story if you are at a critical point. And if you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to send me a message on tumblr. <3

Yuuri Katsuki was fairly sure that he had finally snapped.

Really, it had only been a matter of time. After everything that had happened in the last few months, there was literally nothing that could surprise him anymore. Not even the fact that he had now officially gone mad. There was no other explanation to the wild dream that he had had last night, was there?

Yuuri sat up, reaching for his glasses on the bedside table and putting them on. It was the first thing he did every morning, and it had become a firm habit. Also because he was basically blind without his glasses - something he had had to get used to on the ice. Phichit always told him to wear contacts, that he looked great without his glasses on. But Yuuri clung to his glasses as if they were his anchor, the only thing left in his life that he could actually control. And hell, he would wear his glasses.

As he pushed them up his nose and looked around, he noticed the pile of stationery on the floor by the desk, as if someone had pushed everything together in a hurry but not put it away. 

The angel had knocked everything over after getting stuck in the window.

Yuuri’s eyes widened in shock, but he shook his head vigorously to get the thought out of his head. No, it was not true. It was only a dream. There had not been an angel in his room last night. No, they had not been on top of the Detroit Marriott. No they had not…

Yuuri froze. 

They had been on top of the Detroit Marriott.

Yuuri shook his head again. No, that was not possible. He surely had been dreaming. Yes, that was the only explanation. This had been nothing but a super detailed dream, yes, his mind had just been playing tricks on him, there was no way that all of this had actually-

The door flew open and in came the angel himself, carrying a tray and beaming at Yuuri as if this was the best day of his life. 

Yuuri gaped at him. 

“Yuuri!” Victor exclaimed and approached the bed, putting the tray down. “Good morning! I figured that I should let you sleep, you were rather exhausted last night. I mean, I can’t really blame you. It’s not every day you get a visit from a guardian angel, right?” He flopped down on the mattress beside Yuuri with a content sigh. “I was not sure what you wanted for breakfast, so I just took whatever I could find. What is it that people are having for breakfast these days? I was not sure if you liked coffee or if you prefer tea since you are Japanese, so I just made both.”

Victor kept on chatting away happily while Yuuri stared at him, eyes wandering to the tray on his lap. There was tea, coffee, eggs, bacon, toast, yogurt, vegetables, a bowl of chicken soup, a candy bar, water, and something that Yuuri recognised as natto - fermented soy beans. 

Victor really had no concept of breakfast, Yuuri realised.

“I hope you like it!” Victor said eventually and grinned at Yuuri in an awfully cheerful way that absolutely did not match the mood Yuuri was in. On the one hand, because Yuuri was absolutely not a morning person. On the other hand, he still couldn’t quite manage to wrap his head around the fact that Victor was real. 

“I…” Yuuri cleared his throat and pushed the tray away from his lap to sit up properly. “Okay. So… I didn’t dream this.”

Victor laughed. “You still believe that this was just a dream?” He asked, resting his chin on his palm, studying Yuuri curiously. “And I thought taking you to the Detroit Marriott would have convinced you.”

“It’s not that,” Yuuri muttered, rubbing his eyes. So, the trip to the Detroit Marriott had definitely been real, then. “I just… I didn’t think that… that praying would actually do something.”

Victor raised an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t it?” He asked. 

But before Yuuri could even open his mouth to reply, Phichit came in, wearing his dressing gown over his pyjama and holding an empty bowl in his hands. “Yuuri, have you seen my yogurt? I had put it in the fridge last night and-”

He stopped dead and blinked in confusion, staring at Victor. 

Yuuri followed his gaze, realising that this time, Victor was very much visible for his best friend. That Phichit could see him sitting right there, on his bed. 

“Oh, I apologise!” Victor laughed and got off the bed, offering the still staring Phichit his hand. “Sorry, I did not know it was your food when I made Yuuri breakfast. I’m Victor, Yuuri’s boyfriend!”

Yuuri almost jumped at the sudden declaration. 

_ Boyfriend?! _

Phichit gaped at him, and for the first time since Yuuri knew the Thai, he was absolutely speechless.

“Ha,” Phichit let out eventually, glancing at Yuuri for a second before looking at Victor again. “Now that’s a surprise.” He took Victor’s hand and shook it, and Yuuri could practically hear the gear wheels turning in Phichit’s head. “I’m Phichit. Yuuri’s flatmate and  _ best friend _ .” He put a clear emphasis on the best friend part, looking at Yuuri in a way that clearly demanded an answer to why he had not told him about Victor any sooner.

“Nice to meet you, Phichit!” Victor said with a friendly smile. “I just arrived late last night and I came here to surprise my Yuuri! I will replace your food, of course.”

“Oh, it’s fine, really,” Phichit assured him. “Where are you from? Your accent is interesting!”

“My accent?” Victor repeated, frowning a little.

“He’s from Russia,” Yuuri said quickly before Victor gave himself away, and Victor nodded enthusiastically. 

“Yes, I’m Russian,” Victor confirmed. “Ah, now I feel bad that Yuuri did not tell you about me since you are his best friend.”

“No worries, really,” Phichit said, but Yuuri knew that he would have to give Phichit all the answers he wanted at some point. “Yuuri’s always been one to not talk that much about that kind of stuff.”

“That sounds very much like Yuuri,” Victor agreed with a heart-shaped smile, and Yuuri almost died at the sight of it.

How could a person be so gorgeous?

To be fair, Victor was an angel. 

But right now, he was human, was he not?

“I guess I should leave you two to it, then,” Phichit said and winked at Yuuri, who turned dark red on the spot and desperately hoped for the ground to open and swallow him. “It was really nice to meet you, Victor. For how long will you stay?”

“Oh, for as long as my Yuuri will have me,” Victor said and sat down on the bed, wrapping an arm around Yuuri who almost shrieked at the sudden touch. “Right, Yuuri?”

“Y-Yes,” Yuuri breathed, pulling himself together as he nodded at Phichit. “I hope you’re okay with him staying for a while.”

“Sure,” Phichit said. “Really, I’m just glad that you’ve got someone. So I don’t have to feel bad each time Chris tries to set you up with someone.”

“Who is Chris?” Victor asked curiously.

“My boyfriend,” Phichit replied, a soft blush spreading across his cheeks as Yuuri looked at him in surprise. “We… we made it official a few days ago,” 

“That’s amazing, Phichit,” Yuuri smiled, trying to ignore Victor’s arm around his shoulders. Phichit returned the smile and the blush spread further down his face towards his neck. Yuuri knew that Phichit had been dating said Chris for quite some time, and that they had been both rather hesitant about giving a name to what they were having - especially because they did not get to see each other that often, as Chris worked in Switzerland and only came to the States every few weeks. “So can I meet him next time he visits you?”

“Yes, sure,” Phichit said with an enthusiastic nod. “I mean, I’ve already met  _ your  _ secret boyfriend.”

Victor laughed, and Yuuri blushed even more. “He’s not my secret boyfriend!” He groaned, but Phichit only chuckled and walked out of the room to get himself something different than yogurt for breakfast, shutting the door behind him.

Victor was still chuckling as Yuuri freed himself from his embrace and climbed out of bed, walking over to the window to let some fresh air in. The cool winter air hit his heated face and he sighed deeply, hoping that he did not look as ridiculous as he felt. 

“He’s nice!” He heard Victor say, the accent in his voice more prominent than ever, now that Phichit had pointed it out. He really sounded Russian. “A good friend. I’ve seen him check on you before. You’re lucky to have him.”

Yuuri pinched the bridge of his nose. “He is,” he murmured. 

“But I really feel bad about taking his food,” Victor continued. “In other cultures and centuries he would have had the right to-”

“He’s my best friend,” Yuuri interrupted him softly, turning around to Victor who was sitting on his bed in the most casual, most scandalous way, even. As if he belonged there.

Like a boyfriend.

At the sudden change in Yuuri’s voice, however, Victor sat up properly, watching him attentively. Ready to listen.

Yuuri averted his gaze again. He was not used to having someone around in his darkest moments. Someone who knew everything about the depths of his soul, like Victor. It was unfair, in some way, Yuuri thought. Victor knew everything without Yuuri even wanting him to, and that left him with no other option but to respond in some way. Would Victor leave if Yuuri asked him to?

But Yuuri found that he did not want him to leave.

At least not yet.

“He’s my best friend,” Yuuri said again, more quiet this time. “But he does not… does not know everything. I didn’t want to bother him with… details.”

Victor shifted on the bed, moving forward until he was sitting on the edge of the mattress, clasping his hands on his lap, not saying a word. It took Yuuri a few moments to realise that Victor was giving him time. Time to think, and time to speak, if he wanted to.

But Yuuri found that there was nothing else to say. Phichit was his best friend - the only friend that he had in Detroit, actually. And truth be told, Phichit was… 

“Phichit is a blessing,” Yuuri said and finally turned around again, joining Victor on the bed, the tray with breakfast between them. “He’s the only one who… who didn’t think I was a freak when I panicked after that exam or when I started crying in the middle of skating practise.”

It had been one of the most humiliating days of his life. People usually panicked  _ before  _ exams, not after. They did not break down in the toilet and shake uncontrollably out of fear of failing the whole year. 

The only person to stop and ask if he was okay had been Phichit.

And since then, they had been inseparable. 

“He’s a blessing indeed,” Victor agreed with a small nod, pushing the cup of tea on the tray towards Yuuri. He took it wordlessly.

“And that’s why I didn’t tell him everything,” Yuuri murmured, taking a sip from the tea, grimacing at the bitter taste of it. What a terrible cook did one have to be to ruin something as simple as hot water and a tea bag? “I didn’t tell him that I’ve been thinking about… you know.”

It was not that Yuuri had already set a date and time for ending it all - it had been merely a thought, a thought that had settled in his mind and had refused to go away. And it seemed so beautifully easy, after all.

“You didn’t want to upset him,” Victor said, taking a piece of toast from the tray, studying it curiously before taking a bite. 

“I didn’t want him to worry,” Yuuri murmured. 

“That is very noble of you,” Victor said, much to Yuuri’s surprise. “Not wanting him to worry. But imagine what he would go through if you just left his life like that, and he would have to live the rest of his life without an explanation or-”

“I would write him a letter,” Yuuri mumbled, not looking at Victor. “I went to the shops-”

“-and bought nice paper,” Victor said calmly. “Use that nice paper to write happy letters to your parents. They would love to hear from you.”

Yuuri looked down at his lap. Of course Victor would know that he had not called his parents in ages. That he had avoided talking to them out of fear that they would scold him, that they would tell him how disappointed they were that he lost all competitions and failed all of his classes. That he was burning up their money for his failure.

“Why should I do that,” Yuuri muttered. “None of… none of this… makes any sense anymore.” He gestured broadly at their surroundings before burying his face in his hands. “I’m a mess,” he whispered, not wanting to cry, but the tears were flowing nonetheless. “I’m failing at the rink, I’m failing all of my classes, my coach is probably considering getting rid of me and I’m broke because I lost my job at the coffee shop and if I don’t improve my grades anytime soon I will lose my scholarship and my parents will be driven into financial ruin just because of me, and I just can’t catch a break from this stupid anxiety and the counsellor just wants to give me pills that will make me fatter and uglier than I already am. Nothing that I could ever do would make any of this better.”

He felt Victor’s arms around him before he had even time to finish, and he instinctively curled up in the angel’s embrace as if he were his one and only anchor, burying his fingers in the fabric of Victor’s clothing as he let the tears fall. They were staining Victor’s t-shirt, but he did not let him go, holding him close to his chest instead. Yuuri sniffed, burying his face in the other man’s shoulder. His guardian angel’s shoulder. 

It was still too good to be true.

“You know,” Victor said after a while, as he played with Yuuri’s hair. “I believe that there are three things that you need to realise. Three things that I need to convince you of that will make you want to forget your plan to say goodbye to this beautiful world.”

Yuuri groaned. His head hurt from crying, from facing his problems, from opening up to someone. 

“First, you need to realise that you are anything but a burden to your family, Yuuri,” Victor said. “They love you. I’m sure about that. And they will do everything they can to help you. Then, you need to realise that you can trust in your skills and talents. You are a gifted skater, Yuuri, and a smart student.”

“My grades are shit.” Yuuri muttered weakly.

“Grades do not define you. And you are having a hard time at the moment. Believe me, no one can study with a head as full as yours.” Yuuri believed to feel the other man’s lips on his hair, but it was surely only an illusion, for Victor began to speak again.

“And thirdly, you need to realise that you are beautiful, my Yuuri, and so lovable.”

Yuuri felt a sting in his heart at that, and he pulled away from Victor, curling up against the wall, wrapping his arms around his knees. 

“You may not believe me now,” Victor said, clasping his hands on his lap again. “But I will make sure that you will see what I see. What everyone sees. Do you think you’d have Phichit if you were so unlovable?”

Yuuri shook his head. “It’s not that,” Yuuri murmured, rubbing his eyes. “Friends and love is… is not the same…”

“Is it?” Victor asked softly. “There are so many kinds of love. And the love of friends has proven to be the most-”

“That’s not what I meant!” Yuuri snapped, regretting it immediately. 

Victor only meant well.

“Sorry,” Yuuri murmured. “But I just don’t think that you can help me.”

What Victor did next was definitely not what Yuuri expected of him. He had expected another hug, maybe another few words of comfort, the same ones that he’d heard from the counsellor, from Phichit, from Celestino, over and over again. 

But Victor laughed.

It was a beautiful, heart-shattering laugh that shook Yuuri to the core. It was a heavenly laugh, bright and wonderful, almost too divine to be heard by humans. 

And then, Victor wrapped his arms around Yuuri and held him close, kissing his hair. 

“Oh, my Yuuri,” he sighed, pulling away after a moment and grasping his arms, smiling at Yuuri with sparkling eyes. “The world would be a much sadder place without you in it. And I will show you why. Please, trust me.”

Yuuri felt a cold shiver run down his spine, but it was not a bad feeling. There was nothing but warmth in Victor’s eyes, his grasp was firm yet gentle, and he was so convinced of what he was saying that Yuuri felt almost tempted to believe him.

Perhaps it was worth a shot. Perhaps he just had to trust Victor, and everything would be fine.

What did he have to lose?

And so, Yuuri nodded, and he closed his eyes with a deep sigh.


End file.
